If KL was a family, Pudu would be its bast*rd child. The first time I stepped off my KKKL bus onto the platform at its infamous bus station I knew I had landed on bad grounds.

As polluted and congested as Pudu might appear during the re-assuring rays of sunlight, it takes on a whole new level of malice in the glow of the night. It was my first trip to KL alone. I was a teenager with a measly 50 ringgit note tucked in the confines of my worn-out wallet. The same wallet I Instictly kept checking as I walked down to the streets below. Even at 11pm on a Sunday night, the streets were crowded. Didn’t these people have work to attend to the very next morning? I realized then that for a majority of Pudu’s citizens – this was work.

I tried to look as invisible as possible. Bag in one hand, heart in the next. My mission was simple enough, grab a taxi to a friend’s apartment. Thankfully situated a good distance away from my arrival destination. The touts we’re pushy, shouts of “Seremban”, “Johor Bahru” and “Penang” rained in my ear as I navigated thru them clumsily. The desperate one’s resorted to tugging at your shirt sleeves or placing a hand around your shoulder. I politely declined, sometimes with a confident “no” and other times with a nod of the head.

As I climbed up the pedestrian walk, I was greeted to the sights of beggars, each one of them had allocated a comfortable seating position along the lines of the dusty and dirty elevated walkway. Their coins jiggling in their plastic containers as the people walked by trying not to make any eye contact from point A to B. As I reached the opposite end, an old Malay lady – wailing child in hand approached me “anak nak makan” she kept repeating. I knew I was probably giving my spare change away to a syndicate more than that poor innocent child but at that moment, it was a 2 ringgit escape from a cloudy conscience and a crying kid. Hopefully I told myself, that kid had got half the share of the night’s profit.

A pimp approached me as soon as I had reached solid ground. “Nak tengok perempuan?”. I acted like I didn’t here him. “Want to see girl?” he persisted. Walking backward to meet my pace. I wondered if he might actually rephrase the sentence in Tamil, but I decided that a wave of the hand to signify my disinterest would suffice. I approached a group of taxi drivers nearby. The drivers we’re busy talking among them, cigarettes in hand. “Kelana Jaya?” I asked, wondering which one of these kind gentlemen would have the honour of ripping me off.

The Indian taxi driver spoke up, “35 Thambi, now late – meter runs double”. I could have argued. There was no way I would be able to live in KL for the next two days on the remainder of 15 ringgit, but I knew if I stayed here any longer, the chances of living in itself would be questionable. I agreed and got in the taxi, just in time to see the pimp I had avoided earlier, escorting a middle aged white man thru the alleyways into the darkness.

The Nokia N97

Now the Nokia N97 is a pretty sweet phone, bringing social networking to the forefront for symbian devices. However one the major flaws of the device is it’s processing power and speed. The device has a tendency to lag like a Streamyx connection on a busy Sunday (pun intended). In this case you can eitheir do away with it and op for a lighthing fast Iphone 3Gs or if your like me and you’ve been a Nokia fanboy for years and immune to Apples brainwashing campaigns, you can choose to apply this pretty cool “easter egg” which speeds up your Nokia symbian S60 device to a certain extent (don’t go expecting a 200% increase ok?).

This trick fix is applicable to all Nokia S60 models, I’ve tried it on my very own N97 and 5800 and it seems to give a pretty decent boost. Keep in mind however, a reset/reboot to the device or use of the “Switch” function erases the fix. Let me know if it works for your device.

* First change the date of you mobile to “01/05/2005”

* Open the Calendar now.

* Create 2 new To-Do (For this go to calendar-options-new entry-to do)

* Now insert the following information in the newly created To Do.
To Do 1:
Subject: Speed
Due date: 04.08.2005
Priority: High
To Do 2:
Subject: Qoukie
Due date: 04.08.2005
Priority: Low

* Now confirm both To Do by selecting Done, but don’t close the Calendar.

* Again go to options and select To Do view.

* Now mark both To Do “Speed” and “Qoukie” done.

* Close the Calendar and change the date of the phone back to normal.

* You are done; check if there has been any improvement in terms of speed (try opening the gallery for instance)

Google Search for : Why are Indians

Google Search for: Why are Chinese

Goggle Search for: Why are Muslims

Google is so not ONE Malaysia…

Promo Poster for The Campaign

In a recent study conducted by a group of academic professionals (a.k.a unemployed PHD holders forced to do research as a last resort), has revealed that Bimbo blogs could cause damage to the brain cells of the human body and could lead, ultimately to death by pure boredom (and in some cases suffocation by a common lack of sense).

Bimbo blogs or “BB” as they are commonly known among the more elite of bloggers have been on the rise since late 2003. On the norm, they are owned and operated by a section of females possessing the profound ability to write about nothing more than “every single god-forbidden thing that occurs in their everyday life in the most uninteresting way as possible” as quoted by Doctor Professor Surgeon Encik Mr Elias Bin Alias.

This includes (but is not limited to:)

• The latest quarrel / argument they had with their boyfriend
• What they ate for breakfast / lunch / dinner / supper
• What they didn’t eat for breakfast / lunch / dinner / supper
• What they wished they ate for breakfast / lunch / dinner / supper
• Pictures of their pets or pets they wishes they owned.
• Pictures of themselves photo shopped to look like Japanese AV Idols and Manga stars
• Pictures of their boyfriends photo shopped to look like Japanese AV Idols and Manga stars
• Latest Hello Kitty merchandise.
• Copying song lyrics from famous Karaoke numbers.

A government funded association known as “Institut Pencegahan Anti-Bimbo” (IPAB) has acknowledged that the situation has gotten worst with the governments initiative to make IT more accessible to society. Datin Puteri Paduka Padanmuka has advised the public to be more cautious of these blogs and refrain from viewing them even when tempted by the famous “V Pose Pictures” (shown below) used by most of these BB’s to lure their victims. She has advised the public to focus their limited attention spans on more knowledgeable sites that can bring benefit to the country and most importantly – the government.

IPAB Malaysia will be working closely with anti-virus and computer security companies to release special pre-loaded versions of their applications coupled with “Bimbo-Buster”; a special add in that aims to direct readers of BB’s to more educational websites like www.1Malaysia.com and www.RTM1.com.my When interviewed, female blogger and latest addition to the BB World “Ching Ah Ling” is amendment that “Bimbo blogging is not a crime” She claims that the outcry over the emergence of BB is a political agenda created by “Fat & Ugly People” before posing for our photographer with the universal sign of bimboness.

DISCLAIMER:

The following article is a work of fiction by the creative and demented mind of the writer and bears no resembelance to any living person (we might have included some dead people -sorry!). If you take offense to the story above, you could most likely be a supporter of the Bimbo Blogs, or worst – a Bimbo Blogger yourself.

I’m a huge fan of NBC’s “The Office” – the US version, not the UK version, which I have to point out anytime the topic comes up (which isn’t as often as you would imagine thankfully).

This is followed of course by the next question : “Isn’t the UK version better?”

In a perfect world, this would be my que to pull out a gun, point it at the head of the fool who had posed such an ignorant question at me and humbly whisper in their ear, that although based initially on the same concept and plot, the two series are very, very  (very) much different from one another.

I would then ask them to slowly repeat after me “I will not compare the US version of The Office with the UK One”.

But I don’t fancy, being pulled away to a Police station for threatening a fellow citizen over a serial, and plus I’ve received word that they don’t broadcast The Office during Happy Hours in Pudu, so it would def not be beneficial. Not to mention, as an Indian guy – I don’t like my chances in a Malaysian police lockup (or integration room for that matter).

So therefore I would politely reply: “The UK one is ok, but I just prefer the American one a little more”. (Minus the gun and intimidating whisper in the ear) and this normally ends the topic and I make no attempt to further justify my liking for the American version. Because like filing your taxes – it would just be a waste of time.

Although I have to admit that the US version did start off a little on the slow side. I’m happy to see that they’ve really kicked it off pretty well. The Office is now in it’s sixth season – not bad for a show that was almost canceled two times off the air. They’ve since gone on to win two Emmy awards and a Golden Globe for Best Actor (Steve Carell).

Known as a mockumentary, the office is a mixture of 80% comedy and 20% drama. There’s no laugh track (a good welcome from the overused laugh tracks in most of todays comedies), and besides the addition of Carell, most of the actors we’re practically unknowns before the series aired. Rainn Wilson who plays Dwight in the series, has created a fantastic anti-hero character you’ll simply love to hate. The office romance between Jim and Pam was executed brilliantly and wasn’t rushed.

I later learnt that many of the writers involved in the series we’re actually playing regulars;  BJ Novak (Ryan), Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Mindy Kaling (Kelly) and Micheal Schur (Dwight’s cousin Mose). John Krasinki who plays Jim in the series is responsible for the short montage of clips  of Scranton, which is used in the opening title sequence of the series – talk about a multi-talented bunch!

Even in the midst of humor, The Office still finds time to click with reality by depicting many real-life scenarios we tend to find in our workplace today. From those crazy office politics to outsourcing, if you’ve worked in an office before, you’ll definitely relate to some of the quirks and occurances you’ll find in the series. From the office kiss ass, the love birds, right down to the annoying boss – there’s bound to be a Jim,Dwight,Ryan or Micheal in your workspace.

I’ve found a pretty decent site to catch all your favorite episodes from The Office (Season 1-6) and it’s updated regularly too. Give it a visit at:

http://watchxonline.com/category/141-the-office.php

P.S: Yes, I know the link sounds ‘funny’ but trust me it’s legit!

“India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. Our most valuable and most artistic materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only!” – Mark Twain (Writer, America)

A country with such diversity and historical value as India doesn’t automatically fall under the most appealing of places to visit for a holiday. If your idea of a vacation structures around the words “white sandy beaches” and “stress free relaxation”, it would be a wise idea to avoid India at all cost. However if you’re looking for a little adventure, great food, and an amazing in-your-face cultural experience like no other – India might just be your cup of masala tea.

Like all major cities, India main towns are bustling with activity, the streets are congested with vehicles, dare devil pedestrians and animals. A cow in the middle of Jalan Ipoh might make the winning RM50 picture for The Star newspaper, but in India it’s just as a common as an illegal police block.

Surprisingly however for a population of over 1 Billion, accidents aren’t a common site. One would think that with a bad traffic management system, lack of proper street signage and millions of motorist on the road every day, a country like India would be haven for the occasional crash syndrome, yet in pure defiance of all logic and sense the people of India seem to actually be pioneers at defensive driving. The use of the car horn plays an important role in the streets of India, while in Malaysia our use of the horn is nothing but a pure substitute for our middle finger – Horning in India is actually used in its intended purpose; as pre-warning system for the vehicles ahead of you. Although this might sound rather pleasing written on text, in reality it’s a huge contributing factor on why India was voted one of the noisiest cities in South East Asia. Not letting a good business opportunity go to waste though– ear muffs are sold in every good convenient store in the country.

The food in India is simply mouth watering, even though we exercised caution when buying from street vendors, the long buffet spread outs and variety of choices from many of the hotels we stayed in were enough to satisfy our taste buds. There’s a huge population of vegetarians in India and even if that might seem nightmarish to the common meat-eating Malaysian – it’s quite the norm here. Vegetarians in India are offered a larger selection of food as compared to our country.

Street beggars are a common part of the social population in the country. Although more commonly found near tourist attractions and flea markets they have been known to appear at the most unsightly of places as well. They seem to work on a network more than anything else often using children as objects of sympathy. The disturbing thing about these beggars are that many of them seem perfectly able-bodied and fit. We even had the displeasure of meeting a particular persistent lady beggar who begged us for spare change as two gold earrings dangled from her ears. It would be wise to exercise some caution when handing out donations as they tend to surround you once they find an easy victim with a generous attitude.

India’s population crisis seems to have a big role in its renowned and well publicized poverty level. Even with one of the world’s fastest growing economies, there seems to be a downward spiral in drawing the line between burden and bounty. Politics in India, whether on national, state or village level dominates the country’s leading newspapers and city walls with large hung posters of favourite politicians providing a backdrop for most of the cities and villages. The people in India are mostly friendly and ever willing to help, which made asking for directions an ease especially when your GPS device goes bonkers.

Many of the buildings and architectures in India are remnants of both ancient times with traces of British colonization added in to create a unique landscape that stands out and showcases India multi diversity. It’s truly amazing to marvel at the beauty of these buildings knowing that many of them were built hundreds of years ago without the benefits of modern day technology – it remains a testament of what one can achieve if we truly put our minds to it.

Tipping is a norm in India and is expected as most of the places don’t impose a service charge, but it would be wise to restrict who you tip if budget is a concern. One of the most outrageous cons of all times actually occurs surprisingly in the most sacred of places; the temples, particularly the more ancient one’s that are frequented by tourist. Devotes and visitors alike are charged a fee to enter the places of worship, a fee for any camera or video equipment, even a fee for just well ~ praying.

Honestly speaking, it would be wiser to make a donation to some of the many rural schools around the country who require the funds rather than donating your hard earned cash to the corrupted few that choose to run these places of worship as cash factories rather than sacred sanctuaries. Religion, I believe should never come at a price.

All in all there are simply no words to describe the enigma that is India, from its mystical mountain tops to ancient temples, over-populated streets to software cities, humble villages to massive festivals, it’s not surprising that travelers are often on the fence when it comes to giving their opinion on the city. Love it or hate it however, one thing definitely remains – India is a place you’ll never forget.

So you’re sitting in the cinema, popcorn in hand – soft drink in the other and your waiting for the movie to start, but of course this is Malaysia – so regardless if you paid RM11 for your ticket, your still forced required to watch the advertisements one after another for about 15 or more minutes before the movie starts. It’s something we’ve gotta get used too, it’s almost as though we actually paid to see these advertisements. I’m cool with a few commercials before a movie – after all where else can we promote a Heineken’s latest sing-along tune if not for a dark pitch black cinema theatre? (I enjoy watching those beer commercials by the way – I actually think their pretty creative).

Sadly, there are also moments when an ad plays and it’s so bad that it makes you want to cringe – especially when it turns out to be locally produced. You almost try to look away from the screen because you feel bad for the actors, but you still stare and watch – because your Malaysian anyway, and even if there’s a severed headless body lying on the middle of the road caused by some gruesome accident and the police and paramedics are fully aware of the situation – you will still slow down your vehicle just to have a peek. It’s in our blood.

One commercial that’s been playing non-stop in our local cinemas for a few months now that drives me crazy to no end has to be the dreaded Spritzer – First Love commercial. I can’t begin to tell you how bad this commercial is. Words can’t truly describe the puke reaction and anti-Gandhi sentiments that this minute long commercial produces. It’s almost as though they simply play this commercial to make us feel bad for buying a large coke with our popcorn.

I’m just itching to know which media advertising firm actually developed this poor piece of crap. There is completely no storyline here regardless of what the genius who wrote this almost non-existent script would tell you. It hand’s down wins for Worst Commercial of the Year and takes no prisoners.

The acting is horrible; enough to even rival some of those fully dubbed L’Oreal commercials where the model doesn’t speak a word of English but has an American accent dubbed over her voice. This commercial is so bad, it should actually be banned, everyone involved in its development should be placed under the ISA – because that’s the best place to put someone when you don’t really have a real motive to convict them with. Please also place the writer under tight security – we can’t have him writing any more bad scripts and secretly sending them out to our TV stations – I think he’s behind those damned Tongkat Ali commercials as well.

I’m still wondering, why in the blue hell does the kid actually say “This is MINE!” when it’s apparent that there are plenty of other Spritzer bottles in the fridge behind him. Is there something I’m not getting here? Anyway just for your amusement here’s a brief overview of the script you’ll see in the video above. Just for kicks, then next time you buy yourself a Spritzer bottle, look at the Anna or Taukeh at the Kedai Runcit and say “This is MINE!” with a nut job look on your face.

Script

(Corny reject boy band music plays silently in the background)

*Girls pushes trolley along what appears to be the mineral water section in a supermarket.

Girls narration: It’s you! How could I forget you?

(Flashback to a group of two kids. One Chinese boy opens a bottle of  Spritzer’s mineral water with a “I’m up to no good look” on his face, while a little girl rides on one of those little pony rides where you put in a RM1 coin to keep your kid quiet for a minute. She stares at the little boy giving him a “get your own Pony look”. Boy sips a drink from the bottle, throws the green bottle cap in the air. Bottle cap stays in the air and gives a cheap 3D rotational spin while magically still being suspended in the air)

Girls narration: My life has changed after seeing you for the first time, you gave me the best in life, you’re my inspiration.

(Back to the supermarket scene – girl spots the boy – now grown up, also at the mineral water section and wheels her trolley near him)

Girls narration: You have grown up – and you are still charming – and even better!

(Girls inches close to the grown up boy – and whispers with a slutty look on her face “This time it’s mine”)

(Flashback to the young boy and girl again, boy walks towards the little and says “This is MINE!” (Not in the same tone as King Leonidas but in a “Please punch me” look).

(Bottle Cap has enough of cheap 3D spin and decides to fall on poor little girls head – fade in white to the Spritzer logo.)

The End.

Got an SMS today morning and learnt that Tun Dr Mahathir is giving us a chance to vote on his blog (http://chedet.co.cc) on whether we the people of Malaysia would prefer to have Science and Mathematics taught in English, or if we would prefer to move backwards, and vote for the subjects to be taught in Bahasa Malaysia (BM) instead.

I’m not the most political person, nor do I like to blog about anything political, but this is about the future of our education system in our country and I believe every Malaysian regardless of their political affiliations should have their say. Whether you’re a supporter of BN, Pas, DAP or KeAdilan – if you feel that these subjects being taught in English will benefit the future of our young one’s then you should put away your admirations for your individual parties and vote without prejudice.

If the number of votes is in our favor, Dr M himself will represent the people to fight for these subjects to be taught in the English medium, whereas if the votes are against us – Dr M will have no say, Science and Maths will be taught in BM from 2012 onwards and it will truly be a dark day for the education system in Malaysia.

It doesn’t take a genius to see why we need these subjects to be taught in English. I remember the first time I stepped out of secondary school and went on to college, I struggled at Discrete Maths, it was difficult to come to terms with many of the new translations, and formula’s – and if it was tough for someone like me, who speaks the English language fluently on a daily basis, I can only imagine how difficult it would be for those that had a lesser command of the language.

Like all good habits, the teaching of these subjects in English has to start at an early stage to mould the kids of the future and prepare them for the bigger stage. We need to think big and not just stay in our comfort zone. As much as I love the Malay language and treasure it, I’m smart enough to know of it’s limitations. Let’s not be oblivious to the international education standards of the world. For those who claim that the decision to teach in BM was a right step in the form of nationalism, I strongly disagree, there are hundreds of other ways to show the world that your proud to be Malaysian, holding on to this selfish mindset and false sense of nationalism is not one of them.

There are bound to be challenges and hiccups along the way, but it’s not an impossible plan and if we are truly Malaysian, we should not let our initial glitches get in the way of a bigger, bolder dream.

So let’s take this step to make an impact, it’s not too late yet, with the right number of votes we can still give the future generation a fighting chance. Head down to http://chedet.co.cc and do the right thing!

Just yesterday while preparing for an opening ceremony of our clubs inaugural sporting event; we were informed that the band would be playing Michael Jackson’s Black or White as one of the covers for their first set. The idea was quickly met with criticism, mainly because many felt it wasn’t a suitable song for an athletic event such as the one we we’re hosting – I was one of those who objected the idea, the song was replaced with a more up-tempo rock ballad which went fine with the audience. If only I had known that the King of Pop today would be busting up dance moves with Elvis Presley and smoking the freshest homegrown up above – I would have surely changed my mind.

I’ve always been a huge fan of MJ, I might not have been the most vocal or crazed supporter of the controversial singer but I’ve always and will always be a fan of his music, and his ability to provide some of the best entertainment on (and off) stage.

I remember going to a Michael Jackson’s History concert way back in 1996 at Merdeka Stadium, Kuala Lumpur. Even before the event was confirmed, the arrival of the gloved one was marked with objection , especially from over religious groups who claimed Michael’s crotch grabbing moves and his unique ability to cause a mass hysteria (even larger than the one’s witnessed in government schools before an examination date) would have adverse effects on the youth of today.

Yet somehow, our then Prime Minister, Dr M must have certainly owned a couple of copies of Thriller and Off The Wall because the concert was approved.

I’ve been to my share of concerts after the MJ gig of course, but I must admit then when it comes to providing the full package entertainment value from start to finish – nobody comes close to Michael Jackson. From the grand entrance of a bullet-shaped spaceship crashing into the stadium, to a staged explosion and the ability to bring a huge tanker right up to the front of the stage – nobody does it like MJ. Take my word for it – you haven’t been to a concert until you’ve been to a MJ concert. Did I mention the breathtaking dance moves and the quick change of wardrobe? (Enough to rival some of today’s biggest Diva’s).

However like all big stars, MJ’s life was riddled with controversy, scandals and plastic surgery. Just as much as everyone loves to see a hero win, the world sadistically also loves to see a beloved hero fall – especially the Hollywood tabloids. MJ has always been honest about his bad childhood, from abuse to being forced to perform in front of large crowds at such a young age. It’s no doubt that such emotional trauma and the stress of being required to hold up this public image day and night to huge crowds took its toll on him and hence we entered the era of Wacko Jacko as the media soon referred to him. He was a tabloids best dream, a living freak to some – the black man who turned white, the man with the plastic nose, the best babysitter in the world. Articles of MJ sold more copies in the newsstands than a Harry Potter book from J.K Rowling (not based on actual figures).

Strong supporters of MJ stood by his side, while some of his closest friends manipulated their power to get the most out of his wealth. There are tons of accusations against MJ, in-fact if we waited a little longer I’m pretty sure that space chimp he’s so fond off would have lodged a law suit as well, but unfortunately we will never truly be able to tell if it’s based on fact or fiction. After all if you had a screwed up childhood, was forced to sing your ABC songs in front of a huge television audience and your earliest pet was a Rat named Ben – I doubt you would have the ability nor guts to turn into one of the biggest icons in music history today (take that haters).

It’s just a pity that the youth of today will probably never truly learn to appreciate the genius that is Michael Jackson – like the time I heard a teenager calling up a local radio station to request for Fall Out Boys “Beat It” – and when the radio deejay asked him if he knew the original singer of the song, he said “Fall Out Boy la!”.

The worst bit was when the radio deejay told him that the song was originally sung by the king of pop; MJ – the kid started laughing – like it was the biggest joke he had ever heard in his poor little pubescent life.

So the next time you listen and swoon over Justin Timberlake’s new music video, or wonder why Neyo keeps wearing that funny little top hat just appreciate the fact that most of today’s pop singers were in one way or another influenced by Michael Jackson – and for many of us he will truly and forever be the one and only King of Pop.